More Jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by SUFAN1, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral ?
    One less drunk ! ( Yes I'm Irish )
    All4SU likes this.
  2. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Why are Irish Funerals so long ?
    They want to make sure he's dead and not just dead drunk.
  3. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Newly Weds were lying in bed on their honeymoon night.
    The wife states " I have something to tell you, I'm not a Virgin, I've been with one other man, Tiger Woods."
    The husband states, That's okay in this day and age it's not
    big deal.
    They make mad passionate love and when they are done the husband goes to the phone to call Room Service.
    The Wife says , " Tiger wouldn't do that. "
    The husband says, " What would he do ? "
    He would come back to bed and make love to me a second time.
    The Husband goes back to bed and makes love again.
    Once done he went to the phone again.
    The wife says, " Tiger wouldn't do that he'd come back to bed and make love to me again.
    The husband goes back to bed and makes love to her a third time. He goes to the phone again.
    The wife says are you calling room Service ?
    He says , No. I'm calling Tiger to find out what Par is for this Hole !!
    CuseTroop likes this.
  4. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Yesterday I had an appointment with the Urologist for a Prostrate exam.
    The waiting room was filled with patients.
    As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name. In a very loud voice, she said, " YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT ? "
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look ar me, a now very embarrassed man.
    I recovered quickly and in an equally loud voice replied,
    " NO,I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A s e x CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS. "
  5. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
    One day. the Police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them all line up.
    Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by.
    Grandmas asked, Why are you in line here, dear ? "
    Not wanting to tell the truth she told her grandma that the Police were passing out free oranges.
    " Why that's awfully nice of them, I think I'll get some. "She goes to the back of the line .
    A Policeman was going down the line asking for information. When he gets to grandma he says, " wow , still going at it at your age ? How do you do it old girl ?"

    Grandma replies . " Oh , it's easy, dear. I just take out my dentures, rip the skin back and suck em' dry. "
    The Policeman fainted !!!
  6. JackBauer44

    JackBauer44 Starter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    1,145
    Likes Received:
    1,583
    less is better my friend
  7. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    just trying to keep it alive. Laugh or moan it's just a couple of jokes. Peace is good
  8. grepal

    grepal Walk On

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2011
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    49
    Did you hear about the guy who went on "The Onion Diet", he lost 5 pounds and all of his friends.
  9. arbitragegls

    arbitragegls All Conference

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    1,579
    ...and i thought the thread said mookie jones...long day
  10. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door lookinng for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy did I give her a mouthful.
  11. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    There is a new anti-depressant for Lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.
    albanycuse likes this.
  12. tbonezone

    tbonezone All Conference

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,101
    Likes Received:
    2,070
    archaeologists believe they may have uncovered the bones of an all lesbian species of dinosaur. they're calling it lickalottapus.
  13. Tcuse

    Tcuse Walk On

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    178
    And the new surgery Addadiktomy
  14. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Fred and Bob got married in California.
    They couldn't afford a honeymoon so , they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
    In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
    As he is going out the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Bob are up yet.
    She replies, " No ".
    Johnny asks, " Do you know what I think ? "
    His mom replies, " I don't want t to hear what you think!! Just go to school. "
    Johnny comes home for lunch asd asks if Fred and Bob are up yet.
    She replies, No.
    Johnny says, Do you know what I think ?
    His mom replies, Never mind what you think, eat your lunch and go back to school.
    After school , Johnny comes home and asks again, Are Fred and Bob up yet ?
    Mom says, No.
    He says , Do you know what I think?
    Mom says , Okay what do you think .
    He says : Last night Fred came to my room for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue !
    Upstate likes this.
  15. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    less is better than what ? Enjoy the joke laugh or moan. All the best.
  16. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Bad news and good news. My 88 year old grand Mother died last night.
    the good news is, they saved the baby !
  17. Macho Uno

    Macho Uno Scout Team

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2011
    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    93
    A women who goes after a younger man is called a cougar. A man who goes after a younger man is called a Nittany Lion.
  18. Flacusian

    Flacusian All Conference

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    2,106
    Likes Received:
    3,077
    OMG... I suppose it was only a matter of time.
  19. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Good one !!
  20. realorange

    realorange All Conference

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    2,855
    Likes Received:
    2,078
    Only if you have a sick sense of humor.
  21. 007

    007 Starter

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    1,627
    Likes Received:
    1,113
    A Dr. walks into his examining room in rural West Virginia and finds a 16 year old boy and his 12 year sister. He asks what brings them to his office and the boy informs him that his family sent him to see that his sister "gits on the pill." Stunned, the Dr. looks at them both and asks "you mean to tell me that this 12 year girl is s e x ually active?" The boy ponders the question for a minute and replies "Nah...She kinda just lays there like her ma."
  22. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Like I said, Good one .
  23. armory

    armory Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    4,928
    Likes Received:
    1,989
    Always wondered why lions preferred to groom themselves rather than bathing. Guess it's just paterno instinct.
  24. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    My Daughter is Moving out:
    Last night , my daughter just walked into the living room and said, " Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent out my room, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV, stero, iphone, Ipod and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Then sell my car.
    Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. Don''t forget to write me out of you will, leave my share to my sister. ""
    Well, she didn't put it quite that way. What she actually said was ... " Dad, I have decided to work for the Obama re-election campaign. "
  25. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    A Minister went to the dentist to get his new dentures.
    The first Sunday with his new teeth he preached for ten minutes.
    The second Sunday he preached for twenty minutes.
    The third Sunday he was two hours into his service when the Alders of the went up and stopped him.
    When asked about the times , He said , " The 1st Sunday my teeth hurt so bad I had to stop, The second Sunday they were better and the third Sunday I mistakenly but My Wives teeth in and haven't been able to stop talking since.
  26. SUFAN1

    SUFAN1 Scout Team

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    63
    Subject Hypnotist at the Senior Center:
    It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.
    Claude the hypnotist Exclaimed, I'm here to put you in a trance. I intent to hypnotize every member of the audience. "
    The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful, antique pocker watch from his coat.
    I want you eachto keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch.
    It's been in my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while chanting, " watch the watch, watch the watch..."
    The crowd was mesmerized s they watched the watch.
    Suddenly the watch slipped from Claudes fingers and fell to the floor breaking inti hundreds of pieces.
    " SH!T " said the hypnotist.
    It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.
  27. orangefan13

    orangefan13 Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,625
    Likes Received:
    2,953
    What do you get when you crossbreed a Hoya and a Huskie????

    A Hokie.

Web Hosting Service by Host Duplex