A Clockwork Orange
2022 Cali Winner (Overall Record)
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2011
- Messages
- 1,851
- Like
- 5,540
1 = If we win this game, I will not remember any of it because I will have drank a handle of my favorite liquor.
5 = If we win, the wife/husband might get lucky. If we lose...the wife/husband might get lucky.
10 = If we lost this game I may walk into the middle of the road.
Here we go:
Game 1 vs. Louisville Sep. 3, 8 pm
It is the beginning of the season, and I am always irrationally confident. We were taken out back and beaten like a redheaded stepchild at their place last year. NONE OF THAT MATTERS! The revenge tour begins here.
C Rating: 6.5 (A solid one-wall punch game. If we lose, two. My knuckles will be sore)
Game 2 @ UConn Sep. 10, 7 pm
If we lose to these schlubs at the low rent, I'm not going to be happy. Mora has them headed in the right direction, but that's a multiyear rebuild back to mediocrity.
C Rating: 9 (If we lose, I'll need some new sheetrock)
Game 3 vs. Purdue Sep. 17, 12 pm
A nooner at the dome. Recently they have often been snoozefests. I remember in '98 when UT came to town in an early game, and people had been drinking special punch out of trash cans since 5 am. Let's hope the crowd comes out for this one. I don't know much about Purdue, but a boilermaker is a damn tasty drink.
C Rating: 5 (I hope they can eke this one out. If they don't, my new sheet rock will receive a headbutt to its solar plexus)
Game 4 vs. Virginia Sep. 23, 7 pm
A Friday night contest at the dome! People will be lubed up and ready to be loud. Tony Elliott is a new coach, with a brand new system install happening. I think the crowd and the new install give 'Cuse the edge.
C Rating: 7 (I live in Virginia. and I have many UVA friends. If SU loses this game, I will be pelted with tennis balls by those Polo-wearing nancies. Two forearm shivers to my beleaguered living room wall if we lose)
Game 5 vs. Wagner Oct. 1, TBD
Damn good composer, damn poor football team. Flight of the Valkyrie will be played loud and proud as SU pounds them.
C Rating: 10 (If we lose this game I will personally drive to Syracuse and fire Dino myself, and put a hole through HIS living room wall)
Game 6 vs. NC State Oct. 15, TBD
Call me crazy, but I have a feeling we're going to pull a decent-sized upset this year. NC State is hyped beyond belief this year, and it's deserved. They are a solid team from top to bottom. Call it gut instinct, but I think SU pulls this one out. The bye week, the actual time of this game, and the hype around it will be key.
C Rating: 5.5 (I have now installed some steel paneling and break my hand on it if we lose. I'll be casted up but ready to contribute the next game)
Game 7 @ Clemson Oct. 22, TBD
Coming off an emotional home win and carrying a 5-1 record into this game, the Orange come crashing back down to Earth. A loss with hopefully no serious injuries, and a defensive struggle against the Tigers.
C Rating: 2.5 (If we win, Jack Daniels stock will rise 200 points the following Monday thanks to yours truly. My hand has some time to heal as I'm not expecting a win anyways)
Game 8 vs. Notre Dame Oct. 29, TBD
The crowd will be hyped, the team will be focused, and the refs will be Notre Dame subway alums. A tough loss from a game Syracuse team. SU fans talk about the robbery that took place in this game for decades.
C Rating: 3.5 (If we win, I'll headbutt my TV in celebration and it will crash down onto the floor. I will have no recollection of this the next day, but will know something bad happened when I'm sleeping on my driveway the next morning)
Game 9 @ Pitt Nov. 5, TBD
We always seem to play poorly at Pitt. This year is no exception. Pitt is overrated but still gives the 'Cuse fits. This all comes down to the last quarter. I like our chances with Sean Tucker but it feels like a game we would typically lose.
C Rating: 4.5 (If we win this one, my wife will let me sleep in my own bed again, but the dulcet tones of Matt Park on the radio and the haunting visage of Pat Narduzzi will leave me sleepless in the Shenandoah Valley)
Game 10 vs FSU Nov. 12, TBD
6 wins, here we come! FSU has unraveled by this point in the season and the fan base is screaming for the administration to exhume Bobby Bowden's corpse. They do, and a new ESPN 30 for 30 called Weekend at Bobby's follows the wacky antics of Bobby and his friends. The documentary breaks all sorts of television rating records. Unfortunately, his mummified corpse can't rally them to victory at the dome.
C Rating: 6.5 (If we lose this one, I'll be buying a new TV because Matt Park and my radio will be flung off the highest ledge of the Blue Ridge Mountains in my unmitigated rage)
Game 11 @ Wake Forest Nov. 19, TBD
Of COURSE, Sam Hartman is back for this game because we are SU, and don't deserve nice things. His second game back and he's slinging darts. The Demon Deacons have no answers for Sean Tucker though, and with the 6-win monkey off SU's back, they play poised and relaxed. A high-scoring affair, but Phil's kid can't lead the Deacs back in this one. He cries because he lost and because TNT just happens to be playing a Simpsons marathon that night featuring all the episodes with Lionel Hutz.
C Rating: 5.5 (If we lose this one, I will weep silently in the darkness and sip brandy while my wife furiously scours the internet for a divorce lawyer. Lionel Hutz is unfortunately not available)
Game 12 @ Boston College Nov. 26, TBD
SU carries a 7-4 record into this rivalry game that no one in either fanbase cares about that much. The ACC unveils a rivalry trophy for this one. The much-ballyhooed "Meh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Trophy will sit in a vacant storage room in the training facility of the victorious team. It will be a one-off because the winning team forgets where they stored it, and it sits unused with jock straps and old shoulder pads littered around it. The Eagles are decimated from injuries, but an unknown RB turned CB called Fiamond Derri emerges for the Beagles and wins them the game.
C Rating: 5 (If we lose this game at BC, and they have no fans, does it make a sound? I hate theoretical science questions. I'm living in a van down by the river and don't get to see the game, but don't even realize it because I've decided to take a really dangerous ride with a stunning succubus called shabu. I'm found floating in said river the next morning. My wife mourns my idiocy)
So there you have it! SU finishes the season bowling with a 7-5 record and your intrepid narrator is buried in a potters field on Nov. 29th. Ah well, you win some, you lose some.
5 = If we win, the wife/husband might get lucky. If we lose...the wife/husband might get lucky.
10 = If we lost this game I may walk into the middle of the road.
Here we go:
Game 1 vs. Louisville Sep. 3, 8 pm
It is the beginning of the season, and I am always irrationally confident. We were taken out back and beaten like a redheaded stepchild at their place last year. NONE OF THAT MATTERS! The revenge tour begins here.
C Rating: 6.5 (A solid one-wall punch game. If we lose, two. My knuckles will be sore)
Game 2 @ UConn Sep. 10, 7 pm
If we lose to these schlubs at the low rent, I'm not going to be happy. Mora has them headed in the right direction, but that's a multiyear rebuild back to mediocrity.
C Rating: 9 (If we lose, I'll need some new sheetrock)
Game 3 vs. Purdue Sep. 17, 12 pm
A nooner at the dome. Recently they have often been snoozefests. I remember in '98 when UT came to town in an early game, and people had been drinking special punch out of trash cans since 5 am. Let's hope the crowd comes out for this one. I don't know much about Purdue, but a boilermaker is a damn tasty drink.
C Rating: 5 (I hope they can eke this one out. If they don't, my new sheet rock will receive a headbutt to its solar plexus)
Game 4 vs. Virginia Sep. 23, 7 pm
A Friday night contest at the dome! People will be lubed up and ready to be loud. Tony Elliott is a new coach, with a brand new system install happening. I think the crowd and the new install give 'Cuse the edge.
C Rating: 7 (I live in Virginia. and I have many UVA friends. If SU loses this game, I will be pelted with tennis balls by those Polo-wearing nancies. Two forearm shivers to my beleaguered living room wall if we lose)
Game 5 vs. Wagner Oct. 1, TBD
Damn good composer, damn poor football team. Flight of the Valkyrie will be played loud and proud as SU pounds them.
C Rating: 10 (If we lose this game I will personally drive to Syracuse and fire Dino myself, and put a hole through HIS living room wall)
Game 6 vs. NC State Oct. 15, TBD
Call me crazy, but I have a feeling we're going to pull a decent-sized upset this year. NC State is hyped beyond belief this year, and it's deserved. They are a solid team from top to bottom. Call it gut instinct, but I think SU pulls this one out. The bye week, the actual time of this game, and the hype around it will be key.
C Rating: 5.5 (I have now installed some steel paneling and break my hand on it if we lose. I'll be casted up but ready to contribute the next game)
Game 7 @ Clemson Oct. 22, TBD
Coming off an emotional home win and carrying a 5-1 record into this game, the Orange come crashing back down to Earth. A loss with hopefully no serious injuries, and a defensive struggle against the Tigers.
C Rating: 2.5 (If we win, Jack Daniels stock will rise 200 points the following Monday thanks to yours truly. My hand has some time to heal as I'm not expecting a win anyways)
Game 8 vs. Notre Dame Oct. 29, TBD
The crowd will be hyped, the team will be focused, and the refs will be Notre Dame subway alums. A tough loss from a game Syracuse team. SU fans talk about the robbery that took place in this game for decades.
C Rating: 3.5 (If we win, I'll headbutt my TV in celebration and it will crash down onto the floor. I will have no recollection of this the next day, but will know something bad happened when I'm sleeping on my driveway the next morning)
Game 9 @ Pitt Nov. 5, TBD
We always seem to play poorly at Pitt. This year is no exception. Pitt is overrated but still gives the 'Cuse fits. This all comes down to the last quarter. I like our chances with Sean Tucker but it feels like a game we would typically lose.
C Rating: 4.5 (If we win this one, my wife will let me sleep in my own bed again, but the dulcet tones of Matt Park on the radio and the haunting visage of Pat Narduzzi will leave me sleepless in the Shenandoah Valley)
Game 10 vs FSU Nov. 12, TBD
6 wins, here we come! FSU has unraveled by this point in the season and the fan base is screaming for the administration to exhume Bobby Bowden's corpse. They do, and a new ESPN 30 for 30 called Weekend at Bobby's follows the wacky antics of Bobby and his friends. The documentary breaks all sorts of television rating records. Unfortunately, his mummified corpse can't rally them to victory at the dome.
C Rating: 6.5 (If we lose this one, I'll be buying a new TV because Matt Park and my radio will be flung off the highest ledge of the Blue Ridge Mountains in my unmitigated rage)
Game 11 @ Wake Forest Nov. 19, TBD
Of COURSE, Sam Hartman is back for this game because we are SU, and don't deserve nice things. His second game back and he's slinging darts. The Demon Deacons have no answers for Sean Tucker though, and with the 6-win monkey off SU's back, they play poised and relaxed. A high-scoring affair, but Phil's kid can't lead the Deacs back in this one. He cries because he lost and because TNT just happens to be playing a Simpsons marathon that night featuring all the episodes with Lionel Hutz.
C Rating: 5.5 (If we lose this one, I will weep silently in the darkness and sip brandy while my wife furiously scours the internet for a divorce lawyer. Lionel Hutz is unfortunately not available)
Game 12 @ Boston College Nov. 26, TBD
SU carries a 7-4 record into this rivalry game that no one in either fanbase cares about that much. The ACC unveils a rivalry trophy for this one. The much-ballyhooed "Meh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Trophy will sit in a vacant storage room in the training facility of the victorious team. It will be a one-off because the winning team forgets where they stored it, and it sits unused with jock straps and old shoulder pads littered around it. The Eagles are decimated from injuries, but an unknown RB turned CB called Fiamond Derri emerges for the Beagles and wins them the game.
C Rating: 5 (If we lose this game at BC, and they have no fans, does it make a sound? I hate theoretical science questions. I'm living in a van down by the river and don't get to see the game, but don't even realize it because I've decided to take a really dangerous ride with a stunning succubus called shabu. I'm found floating in said river the next morning. My wife mourns my idiocy)
So there you have it! SU finishes the season bowling with a 7-5 record and your intrepid narrator is buried in a potters field on Nov. 29th. Ah well, you win some, you lose some.