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[QUOTE="Lucid, post: 2963626, member: 6262"]
So, after reading this entire thread, here's what I've got...

After team practice, Frank and another un-named player (likely a walk-on) stole a scooter from a nearby Mormon Tabernacle parking lot and embarked on a petty crime spree. There were no witnesses, but they were caught on CCTV. Only Frank could be positively identified. He was subsequently picked up by the local constabulary for questioning.

Team officials were called to the police station and, due to the innocuous nature of the offenses, asked what they wanted to do about Frank. They indicated they would like to handle things internally to avoid a scandal, and the police agreed.

After a meeting - in an effort at damage-control - the team and the school decided to use a little known clause in the school's drug testing policy, wherein they could use a positive drug test from a random player from a random season within the past 15 years, to remove Frank from the team for "between 1 minute and the rest of his natural life."

The coach and the entire team were advised of this at the last possible minute, and were also informed that Frank had been suspended, "through absolutely no fault of his own," so the other players could still feel good about "winning one for Frank."

False information was quickly disseminated to various "social influencers," frequent forum posters, and Twitter users in order to "confuse the masses."
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