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[QUOTE="orange79, post: 1132553, member: 159"]
[U][B]FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE[/B][/U]

Rutgers University and the entire Athletic Department would like to apologize sincerely to all who were offended by ([U]insert indiscretion of coach/fan/staff here[/U]).  As you all know, the University in no way condones (choose all that apply - [U]berating and bullying players/botched background checks/advising staff not to become pregnant/ignoring sex discrimination/corruption and wasteful spending/leaving televisions on during home games/wasting money on settlements for any or all of the above)[/U].

As we have had to say time and time again, we have zero tolerance for any such actions.  We [S]steal[/S] [S]misappropriate[/S] [S]gouge[/S] are subsidized by a great deal of money from the general fund to support athletics [S]that we will never be able to pay back[/S] and this is not the way the University expects our (choose offending party here - [U]coaches/fans/staff[/U]) to behave.

On a side note, did you hear we are joining the Big Ten?  Cool stuff, huh?  Lord Delaney loved our [S]cable boxes[/S] rich athletic history.  Remember that one Thursday night?  That was awesome!

In closing, we will do anything in our power to ensure something like this never happens again ([U]ignore audience laughter and internet trolling here[/U]).  We’re sorry.  We really are.  Again.
[/QUOTE]

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