Manager in Need of Advice

[SUFan44]

Question for those of you that manage millennials like I do.

I have a situation that I’m currently dealing with involving one of my assistant directors.

I received a text message from him late this evening that was clearly not meant for me, complaining about something that I did.

If he would have come to me directly, I could have explained to him the rationale on what I did and certain expectations that he feels I hold other employees to that I do not abide by myself. But instead, he sent a “bitch about your boss” text directly to his boss.

How do you handle this? I have not replied yet but I am going through a lot of different emotions - anger, disappointment, frustration. Thanks in advance.

 

[Janner]

Every situation is obviously very different, and I can't speak directly to the situation but here are a few very general thoughts. Often times those type of texts are a bit more dramatic, for purposes of effect, so that it would have a greater impact on the intended recipient. I dont know for sure, but I'd bet some of what is in there is not as bad as it is being made out to be. Also, the texter is probably sh!thing their pants right now if they have realized the error, which I am also betting they have. It all depends on your management style on how to handle the situation. But if it were me, depending on what they said of course, I would probably text them back something to the effect of i will be calling you to discuss this in the next couple of days. It gives you time to "sleep on it" and makes them sweat it out for a day or so. It give them a chance to articulate their issue(s), and you can get a better, calmer read on the situation as you have time to reflect. And they are sweating bullets as initial punishment for a day or two. Hope its helpful, and applicable. Just some general food for thought.

 

[Mareiniss]

Every situation is obviously very different, and I can't speak directly to the situation but here are a few very general thoughts. Often times those type of texts are a bit more dramatic, for purposes of effect, so that it would have a greater impact on the intended recipient. I dont know for sure, but I'd bet some of what is in there is not as bad as it is being made out to be. Also, the texter is probably sh!thing their pants right now if they have realized the error, which I am also betting they have. It all depends on your management style on how to handle the situation. But if it were me, depending on what they said of course, I would probably text them back something to the effect of i will be calling you to discuss this in the next couple of days. It gives you time to "sleep on it" and makes them sweat it out for a day or so. It give them a chance to articulate their issue(s), and you can get a better, calmer read on the situation as you have time to reflect. And they are sweating bullets as initial punishment for a day or two. Hope its helpful, and applicable. Just some general food for thought.

This seems like good advice to me. It's never a good idea to act out of anger, so sleep on it and make an unemotional decision on what to do.

Also, I don't know what your subordinate was complaining about, but I suggest considering the potential legal implications of your possible responses. Consult your company lawyer. Ask if your response could be considered retaliatory / discriminatory, an unfair labor practice or a breach of a collective bargaining agreement or employment contract.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

It looks like there's been good advice so far. You know this employee, how they'll take things, how to communicate with them. There's an opportunity to take the high road depending on what your relationship with them is like. Let them know you got the text, acknowledge that they likely didn't intend for it to go to you, tell them you understand everyone is frustrated at times, and assuming you are willing and it's a repairable relationship, let them know you'll be ready to talk when they feel ready to.

 

[W'boro'Cuse315]

Question for those of you that manage millennials like I do.

I have a situation that I’m currently dealing with involving one of my assistant directors.

I received a text message from him late this evening that was clearly not meant for me, complaining about something that I did.

If he would have come to me directly, I could have explained to him the rationale on what I did and certain expectations that he feels I hold other employees to that I do not abide by myself. But instead, he sent a “bitch about your boss” text directly to his boss.

How do you handle this? I have not replied yet but I am going through a lot of different emotions - anger, disappointment, frustration. Thanks in advance.

Personally, I’d go full-on J.K. Simmons v. Miles Teller in Whiplash. Don’t even acknowledge the text for a few weeks/months & then later let the employee know how you feel a few seconds before screwing them for good.

This is why I’m not a manager.

In all seriousness, the previous responses in this thread were great advice & I really respect you coming to the board for input.

 

[temery]

Personally, I’d go full-on J.K. Simmons v. Miles Teller in Whiplash. Don’t even acknowledge the text for a few weeks/months & then later let the employee know how you feel a few seconds before screwing them for good.

This is why I’m not a manager.

In all seriousness, the previous responses in this thread were great advice & I really respect you coming to the board for input.

See him at the end of the day on the Friday of a three day weekend, saying I want to speak with you first thing Monday morning about a text you sent.

 

[SUFan44]

Thank you all for your input. Quick update: I received a 3:30 am email saying he did not feel well and would be taking the day off. The fun of being a manager!

 

[orange79]

I'll just add to the good advice already mentioned here, that so much of your response is dependent on the employee's temperament and make-up. What is the best course of action for one employee isn't the best for another. You have to try to gauge that temperament when determining your next step. Just my $0.02.

 

[chugg21]

Thank you all for your input. Quick update: I received a 3:30 am email saying he did not feel well and would be taking the day off. The fun of being a manager!

That is a perfect update. Wonder at what time he looked at his phone wondering why he didn't get a reply from his friend or whoever it was sent to and then realized what he did. I'm sure that put his stomach in knots.

I'd likely not bring it up for another few days and see if they have enough decency to come up to you in person and acknowledge their error and apologize in an appropriate manner. If they are incapable of doing so, then that says all you need to know about their character and ability to take responsibility for their actions.

 

[RF2044]

I qualify this by pointing out that I didn't see the text, and obviously there's a fine line between bit<hing and insubordination.

But I'll add to what others have posted above that sometimes venting off-line to colleagues isn't a "bad" thing, if it circumvents overt disruptive behaviors on the job. So, while the gaffe of sending the text directly to the boss is pretty stupid, I don't think it's the end of the world. What the employee does next to address the situation would determine what my response would be.

And, to be clear, I'd also document this incident -- and it might come up in EOY review. But if the employee owns up to it and performs well, then I'd consider not holding it against them.

Again, I didn't see the text. If it was over the top insubordinate, then I think you need to decisively come down on the employee to get them in line.

 

[Chip]

He's probably going to quit anyway (I would).

I'd embarrass the dogsh out of him, and see how he reacts.

If defiant, off with his head. This moment will say a lot about his character.

 

[maxxyz]

Lots of good advice here, especially about contacting your HR/legal folks.

I'm assuming that you are the Director and they are a direct report to you? If so, this can be a really tough choice. Were they complaining to a peer? An underling? A friend? Is this a person who creates strife on the regular?

Is this person a valuable member of your team?

It will be hard to trust this person in the future if this is a regular behavior, and if they are 30+ years old, they're unlikely to change their habits. It might be better for your team if they decided to seek an opportunity elsewhere.

That being said, I applaud you for trying to make this a teaching moment.

 

[IthacaBarrel]

He's probably going to quit anyway (I would).

I'd embarrass the dogsh out of him, and see how he reacts.

If defiant, off with his head. This moment will say a lot about his character.

Have to do something for sure. Some solid advice in the thread I would go into his office acknowledge the text and ask him if there's anything he would like to discuss further probably say something like not the best path for moving up the company ladder and get back to work if they don't say much but put closure to it.

I am so use to people bitching and complaining about me I really don't care anymore. If he's good at his job great, if not they won't be there long anyway.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

I am so use to people bitching and complaining about me I really don't care anymore. If he's good at his job great, if not they won't be there long anyway.

Yeah, it's a weird realization when you accept that when you lead, you're inevitably going to make decisions your people don't always like and will dislike you for even when you genuinely are trying to make the best call, and it's kind of just part of the gig. Usually it's fine if everyone can just work through it.

 

[Chip]

If he's good at his job great, if not they won't be there long anyway.

I think either way in this case. If you're good at your job and just did one of the more embarrassing things possible, you're on the hunt for a new job. And will be more careful going forward.

It's a tough one to come back from. Even for some of the millennials who appear to be phased by nothing.

I go by the everyone is replaceable motto. Have to. Never know when someone will quit or get hit by a bus (unintentionally of course).

 

[Capt. Tuttle]

Every situation is obviously very different, and I can't speak directly to the situation but here are a few very general thoughts. Often times those type of texts are a bit more dramatic, for purposes of effect, so that it would have a greater impact on the intended recipient. I dont know for sure, but I'd bet some of what is in there is not as bad as it is being made out to be. Also, the texter is probably sh!thing their pants right now if they have realized the error, which I am also betting they have. It all depends on your management style on how to handle the situation. But if it were me, depending on what they said of course, I would probably text them back something to the effect of i will be calling you to discuss this in the next couple of days. It gives you time to "sleep on it" and makes them sweat it out for a day or so. It give them a chance to articulate their issue(s), and you can get a better, calmer read on the situation as you have time to reflect. And they are sweating bullets as initial punishment for a day or two. Hope its helpful, and applicable. Just some general food for thought.

Is this a valued employee? Will he/she be advancing in the company? Is he/she popular?
Assuming the employee is a positive, this could be an opening about “please talk to me directly” with concerns, issues, etc.
I have a buffer between me and my employees, and I am down to 3 millennials, but they are great, so I haven’t had those issues.
That said, I think you should treat them as an adult in an adult work environment, generation be damned.

 

[JustPherU]

Question for those of you that manage millennials like I do.

I have a situation that I’m currently dealing with involving one of my assistant directors.

I received a text message from him late this evening that was clearly not meant for me, complaining about something that I did.

If he would have come to me directly, I could have explained to him the rationale on what I did and certain expectations that he feels I hold other employees to that I do not abide by myself. But instead, he sent a “bitch about your boss” text directly to his boss.

How do you handle this? I have not replied yet but I am going through a lot of different emotions - anger, disappointment, frustration. Thanks in advance.

Let it go, life is way too short.
Maybe shoot him a text back with a good one liner.

 

[Janner]

Is this a valued employee? Will he/she be advancing in the company? Is he/she popular?
Assuming the employee is a positive, this could be an opening about “please talk to me directly” with concerns, issues, etc.
I have a buffer between me and my employees, and I am down to 3 millennials, but they are great, so I haven’t had those issues.
That said, I think you should treat them as an adult in an adult work environment, generation be damned.

I think you might have accidentally replied to the wrong post? I'm guessing it was intended for for the OP whom im sure would very much appreciate your valuable views, experience and insights

 

[Cusefan0307]

I expect at least 2 or 3 people out of 11 on my team are never happy with me and usually I can determine that by their tone and actions. As a fellow older millennial I am a big believer in sitting down one on one and hashing it out to see what the root of the issue is. Some of it can be out of your control, but the only thing you can do is if someone is angry or upset with you is to explain why decisions are made And the reasoning behind it.

 

[MSOrange]

I have never had this situation with one of my managers but I have sent instant messages before to 2 colleagues that were definitely not intended for them. They were both on the same level as me. Took a day or two to smooth things over before they weren't upset with me and then we were back to being friends again.

 

[RF2044]

So what happened?

 

[JarHeadJim]

Chew his a$$ in front of the entire office! Belittle him, make him cry and pee his pants. Then tell him to suck it up buttercup and fudge off!!

 

[Shenexon]

For me, communication with disgruntled employees was my main goal. Their success, and yours, are dependent upon a level of communication satisfactory to get stuff done. It's to your mutual advantage to get them talking to you in a straightforward way. I had an employee that I struggled with for a year or so. They didn't get it and I couldn't get in their head.

After one pointed discussion about expectations, an email from them appeared in my inbox complaining about what I had said about what I expected from them, mostly that they needed to be more productive and what could I do to help them understand the tasks better. Unfortunately they chose to copy ALL_FEMA which got them fired and got me kudos from my management chain. The high road is making things better, not about hurt feelings. Make things better.

 

[NateW]

For me, communication with disgruntled employees was my main goal. Their success, and yours, are dependent upon a level of communication satisfactory to get stuff done. It's to your mutual advantage to get them talking to you in a straightforward way. I had an employee that I struggled with for a year or so. They didn't get it and I couldn't get in their head.

After one pointed discussion about expectations, an email from them appeared in my inbox complaining about what I had said about what I expected from them, mostly that they needed to be more productive and what could I do to help them understand the tasks better. Unfortunately they chose to copy ALL_FEMA which got them fired and got me kudos from my management chain. The high road is making things better, not about hurt feelings. Make things better.

Honesty at work is huge and it has to be a two-way street. If a manager lives by his/her penchant to be a “straight shooter” or “tell it like it is” then he/she must be able to receive similarly styled communication from employees.

Honesty is the only way to be aware of actual team morale and know that your system is at peak efficiency.

 

[SUFan44]

So the face-to-face meeting happened this afternoon.

I began by asking if he knew why the meeting was called. He did not.

I asked him if he recalled a text message that was sent to me at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday. He did not.

I asked him to take out his phone and look at our chain of communication. His face did not project to me as someone who was noticing this error for the first time.

Upon this "realization," he said he was sorry, quickly followed by the fact that he had been wanting to discuss with me at the end of the fiscal year some things he thought our group could improve on and things he thought we could do better.

I was extremely patient - did not raise my voice. Expressed my disappointment, disapproval, the breach in trust, making it clear that I thought our relationship was to the point after two years of working together that he could come to me with any issues he had.

He followed up with a bit of a shift, in saying this was a tough time for him, that this year had been tough, he has just bought a house, and that he had allowed little things to bubble up. He also brought up his salary as a concern, which felt sort of convenient as we had discussed all of these things and issues this summer - at length - when all companies were going through pandemic-related issues.

I kept at it and continued to tell him how disappointed I was, until it finally started to sink in I think. He mentioned that he found out that a position was open at another org at the same level as him, starting out at significantly higher a salary. It just so happens the hiring manager is a personal friend.

I told him I would like nothing more than to recommend him for a job that gets him to where he wants to go - but that I needed him to work on the things unrelated to his actual day-to-day job. His relationships with others, the cadence to his questions, his tone and general unwillingness to ever "be wrong".

One of the main things this person struggles with in general is taking all criticisms or critiques personal. Or any perceived slights to heart, making it "all about him" rather than understanding that others have duties and jobs that don't revolve around him. This has been a constant theme and discussion, and it snowballs for him so we discussed that at length.

We continued for about an hour total, and I think by the end I was able to get through to him. He stuck around in the conference room after to decompress when I left, and I am hopeful he makes significant changes to the way he approaches things and is more positive and more open minded about what others have going on. We shall see.

Thanks all for the advice. It helped give me some perspective that was extremely beneficial.