OT Golf Jokes

[realorange]

I'm going to blame Marsh01 comments in another thread for making me start this one.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer
with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking 10 years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? The man replied, "That's okay, it's important for her to see what a man
looks like after he's given up drinking and golf."

 

[Capt. Tuttle]

Sent from my Vortex using Tapatalk

 

[tbonezone]

old classic...

A man & his wife just began a day of golfing when a bee stung his wife.

The man ran back to the clubhouse and informed the golf pro that his wife had been stung by a bee and he was quite concerned.

The golf pro asked "where did she get stung?"

The man replied "between the 1st & 2nd hole"

The golf pro answered "well her stance is too probably too wide"

 

[Syracusian]

Why does the Pittsburgh basketball team only play 14 holes of golf?


Because they can never find the final 4!

 

[OrangeXtreme]

I hit two good balls the other day ... I stepped on a rake.

 

[kuethstheman]

Two guys are golfing and they're on a fairway adjacent to a road. The first guy is about to hit his shot but a funeral procession drives by. He steps away from the ball, takes his hat off and says a little prayer.

The second guy says "That was very nice of you to do that. Very spiritual."

The first guy says "Well, I've been married to her for 15 years."

 

[jekelish]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I’ll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn’t do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"