OT: Request for advice...

[Capt. Tuttle]

I'm becoming a Dad for the first time on Tuesday of next week (my wife is scheduled for a C-Section because our little guy is breached). I get the sense that this board is full of hundreds of truly great parents, so I'd love to hear some last minute words of wisdom.

I had no idea that installing an infant car seat in the back of a car was such a stressful endeavor - they should incorporate that into Navy SEAL training.

Thanks,
Eric

Like bees said. Cherish it. From year 1 to 3 or 4, everyday is a new experience, a new progression. Enjoy it with baby.
God bless, brother. I hope all goes well.

About the car seat, a cop who helped install the first one told me just the opposite, iommi. I literally get on top of it for leverage and push all my weight down on it while I tighten. Super tight.

Take a breath. Nothing your kids do is EVER as bad as you initially think. Words yelled in anger hurt the most. Take a breath, revisit the matter a few minutes later, when you can be calm and rational.

 

[Hoov50]

Some people have already said these things but here are a few things I have learned from my having my daughter (who turned 2 Thursday):

Accept any help that is offered.

About a week into it you will be as tired as you have ever been regardless of whether your wife has to feed the baby (due to breast feeding) or you are doing some of the midnight feelings.

My wife had a c-section and the first week really overdid things because she wanted to do it all. Make sure you wife allows you to help. Once the pain meds wear off the c-section recovery is painful and my wife will tell you a day of feeling a little better is not full recovery.

Take naps when/if the baby does. You will regret it at 2AM otherwise!

Don't listen to 99% of the unsolicited advice you are given. Every baby is different and every family is different. On the other hand if you need help-advice ask!

Honesty the only unsolicited advice I am glad I followed was not letting Ava (my daughter) sleep in our bed no matter how tempting it is during the middle of the night crying. Once we got through the first 2-3 weeks she has been a great sleeper, obviously not always through the entire night, but always in her own bed. My niece is about the same age as my daughter and has NEVER slept anywhere other than my brother and sister-in-law's bed.

If you are using formula make sure you know about the sensitive varieties. Ava was a good eater, but the regular formula made her spit up a lot. The sensitive variety helped with this.

Most of all ENJOY it. It seems like yesterday when my wife and I were at your stage. Time flies and you want to live every minute to the fullest

CONGRATS TO YOU AND YOUR WIFE!!!

 

[Stevenson]

Time management:

Give each other a night off so the one with the night off knows they can get a full nights sleep, and the other knows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Let your wife know it's ok to go out to a movie or have dinner with a friend one night a week to getaway and that you'll carry the load that night. She should reciprocate as well. You'll each need your own time. You'll also need time out together without the baby.

And get your sleep whenever you can.

 

[swish7]

I'm becoming a Dad for the first time on Tuesday of next week (my wife is scheduled for a C-Section because our little guy is breached). I get the sense that this board is full of hundreds of truly great parents, so I'd love to hear some last minute words of wisdom.

I had no idea that installing an infant car seat in the back of a car was such a stressful endeavor - they should incorporate that into Navy SEAL training.

Thanks,
Eric

The best piece of parenting advice I've ever received is that you WILL drop your baby on its head, so stop worrying about it.

 

[OburgOrange]

If friends or family want to help... Let them. I can remember the only two things I wanted was a quiet meal and eight hours of sleep. Other than that, get them started on SU sports right away! I took both my boys to the Dome when they were in diapers. Mrs Oburg could change a diaper anywhere! Today, they are diehards, we really bond over SU . Congrats and enjoy

 

[Eric15]

This is all wonderful, thank you so much.

And Kaiser, be honest, I could have said I was going to pick up my dry cleaning and you would have told me to pack booze.

 

[Rocco]

All great things here. My 2nd child will be here around Thanksgiving. Always take advantage of other family/friends willing to help out. That way, you and your wife can either just sleep, go out to dinner or just sit around and do absolutely nothing. It's important to maintain balance after your kid is born. You WILL always be exhausted, but you will find a way to function just fine on cat naps all night.

Having a kid is the biggest game-changer you will face together. It is an awesome change and cherish every moment. It really does fly by.

 

[KaiserUEO]

This is all wonderful, thank you so much.

And Kaiser, be honest, I could have said I was going to pick up my dry cleaning and you would have told me to pack booze.

Traffic can be a bitch, if that 5 min drive to the dry cleaners becomes 30 mins, a shot of Jack will be needed.

I'm serious on the hospital booze, best move I ever made. And once word got out that the 'bar was open'...there was never a shortage.

Friends and family all enjoyed a hospital paper cup or 3 of wine.

And at night, it was key for me getting some sleep.

 

[tee1222]

All great things here. My 2nd child will be here around Thanksgiving. Always take advantage of other family/friends willing to help out. That way, you and your wife can either just sleep, go out to dinner or just sit around and do absolutely nothing. It's important to maintain balance after your kid is born. You WILL always be exhausted, but you will find a way to function just fine on cat naps all night.

Having a kid is the biggest game-changer you will face together. It is an awesome change and cherish every moment. It really does fly by.

Great news buddy. All the best.

 

[OrangeViking]

Spend your time with your kids, because you can't go back and make it up. Do this and you'll never have any regrets.

 

[Syracusian]

I just seen this article through NOVA and figured you might like it EAO: http://www.wired.com/2014/07/how-becoming-a-father-changes-your-brain/?mbid=social_twitter

I'm not a Dad yet, but I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I remember when my first niece was born, and now she's almost done with high school. So, just to echo what some others have already mentioned, try to make sure you spend as much time as you can with them while they're young.

I think this may one good piece of advice: With all of the smart phones/tablets and other various methods of media, make sure you take a lot of videos and pictures throughout their life. I always thought it would be a good idea to have all of the months documented with some videos/pictures. Especially for when they do get older. All of the major moments need to be documented too. First teeth, crawling, first words, first steps, first day of school, sporting events, anything.

You can easily create a folder with a bunch of sub folders for months, and eventually years. Or just keep it by date modified and read the time stamps. You can document them all the way up to when they get married, and eventually when they have a baby of their own. It would be a neat idea to save it until they have a baby of their own, and put all of the pictures/videos as one large collage and give it to them. That way you can tell them to enjoy their time with them.

One last piece of advice, don't watch The Wire with him!

 

[JoeSU]

A agree with the posts about making your family a priority. At the same time, don't allow yourself to be a "helicopter parent" Give your kids some room to navigate on their own and learn from their mistakes. Like every animal in the jungle, remember that your primary job is to turn your offspring into responsible, independent adults before turning them loose on the world.

One other important piece of advice: while you and your wife are busy focusing on raising your kids, be sure to make time to work on your own relationship. Spring for a babysitter and go out on a "date night" from time to time. If you're lucky enough to have relatives or close friends nearby, occasionally take your wife away for an over-nighter or short vacation (my wife and I called them our "save our marriage" trips). It can do wonders for your outlook. A lot of divorces seem to occur when the kids have grown and leave the nest, and the parents have drifted apart and find they have nothing in common anymore.

 

[MikeSU02]

I'm becoming a Dad for the first time on Tuesday of next week (my wife is scheduled for a C-Section because our little guy is breached). I get the sense that this board is full of hundreds of truly great parents, so I'd love to hear some last minute words of wisdom.

I had no idea that installing an infant car seat in the back of a car was such a stressful endeavor - they should incorporate that into Navy SEAL training.

Thanks,
Eric

Bees covered the major things, but some other things:

Get HBO Go, Netflix, etc plus have DVR. You'll be home more than you used to be, so have entertainment on hand.

Make sure that you, your wife and then you and your wife still get out. You still need time for yourselves and your friends and loved ones.

Try to stay aware of how harsh lack of sleep is to you and your wife. There is a reason it is a torture device. It can turn you two into crazy people at times. Just remember you haven't had a normal night's sleep in forever and take a deep breath.

If a million people want to see the baby, make sure you set a schedule. You and your wife (and your baby) need not be overwhelmed and/or annoyed right off the bat.

You will buy too much stuff for your new baby. You will worry too much. You will freak out too much. It's ok. And if you have another kid, it gets a lot easier.

Buy yourself a bottle of something good. Sip it when you have a chance to catch a moment to relax and watch a ball game. I would recommend Balvenie 15.

The first time you hold your baby is incredible. Soak it in. You will feel a rush of emotion like never before. It's the most incredible feeling in the world.

Make sure you get the name right on the birth certificate!

Congrats. Enjoy the ride.

 

[SUOrange44]

I'm becoming a Dad for the first time on Tuesday of next week (my wife is scheduled for a C-Section because our little guy is breached). I get the sense that this board is full of hundreds of truly great parents, so I'd love to hear some last minute words of wisdom.

I had no idea that installing an infant car seat in the back of a car was such a stressful endeavor - they should incorporate that into Navy SEAL training.

Thanks,
Eric

First of all...congratulations. My two kids are by far and away my greatest accomplishment. I believe I posted this before but...

For every game I take my kids to, I buy a program or scorecard, keep the tickets, print out the final box score, etc. and put them in a big manilla envelope with the
Information about the game on the front. That way, someday, they will be able to look back on the games they went to, see who played in the game, etc.

Also, I got pictures for the first game I took each of my kids to from SU Athletics. My son's first game was an early season tilt versus Long Beach State when he was about nine months old or so. My daughter's was a home game against ND on New Year's Day I believe.

In any event, I have a picture of the Long Beach game of Jonny Flynn and got Jonny to sign it specifically congratulating my son on his first SU game.

Likewise, I have a framed picture of Kris Joseph in action during the ND game. He signed it and congratulated my daughter on her first SU game right above his autograph. They both hang proudly in my Orange room. My advice is that those are the things that are truly special and you will cherish.

Good luck and Go Orange!

SUOrange44

 

[OburgOrange]

For every game I take my kids to, I buy a program or scorecard, keep the tickets, print out the final box score, etc. and put them in a big manilla envelope with the
Information about the game on the front. That way, someday, they will be able to look back on the games they went to, see who played in the game, etc.

I really regret not doing this. It would have made for amazing memories.
Oh Lord

 

[Dave85]

I'm becoming a Dad for the first time on Tuesday of next week (my wife is scheduled for a C-Section because our little guy is breached). I get the sense that this board is full of hundreds of truly great parents, so I'd love to hear some last minute words of wisdom.

After around six months of not getting any sleep and your wits are their ends the little guy makes his first smile. That's one of my best memories.

And then there was a time when I was trying to carry one of sons who fell asleep to bed. As I was carrying him up the stairs his feet were dragging on the steps. That was a strange point in my life. I remember this little thing I held in my hands was so now insanely big. My second son is 2 inches taller than my first. It was weird moment. At this point, I have to lift weights and go into training to able to carry either one of them!!!

Kids are the greatest thing you will ever be associated with in your life. Nothing in my life as been as more satisfying. Spend as much time with them as you can it goes by in the blink of an eye!

 

[suhoops4life]

I'm becoming a Dad for the first time on Tuesday of next week (my wife is scheduled for a C-Section because our little guy is breached). I get the sense that this board is full of hundreds of truly great parents, so I'd love to hear some last minute words of wisdom.

I had no idea that installing an infant car seat in the back of a car was such a stressful endeavor - they should incorporate that into Navy SEAL training.

Thanks,
Eric

The first 90 days is all about the basics, food, clean diaper & sleep. For the baby, NOT for you.

After that, it's all about being there in every way possible. Provide guidance, without being a tyrant. Your kid may not play football, but he may end up being the best clarinet player in the band? If necessary, supply justice to instill acceptable behavior. Most of all, raise your kid with the love that'll make him concerned enough to be a great parent too!

 

[Mano22]

Like bees said. Cherish it. From year 1 to 3 or 4, everyday is a new experience, a new progression. Enjoy it with baby.
God bless, brother. I hope all goes well.

About the car seat, a cop who helped install the first one told me just the opposite, iommi. I literally get on top of it for leverage and push all my weight down on it while I tighten. Super tight.

Yes, I do the same. Seat should be super tight. No left to right movement at all.

 

[Carl]

1) it gets better (it really does and it helps to keep this in mind, especially in the early stages)
2) it stops getting better in about 7th grade (earlier for girls and later for boys) at which point they will declare that everything that you say is the dumbest thing that they have ever heard and be embarrassed to be associated with you in any way.
3) enjoy every possible minute because that sweet spot (after diapers and before the teenage transformation) is over in the blink of an eye.

 

[LetMeIn]

First off, congratulations.
Lot of good advice in this thread. While it is true that you will not be getting the same sleep you get now, I don't think that was the biggest adjustment for me.

What I had the hardest time adjusting to was how drastically my daily schedule changed and how things that used to be accomplished at a leisurely pace suddenly became a manic rush because they were being fit into a much smaller window. What used to be "I'm going to clean the basement at some point this weekend." Suddenly became, "I need to clean the basement, and the only time I have is between 11 and 1 on Sunday while my child naps". I think that this sudden pressure to get things done exacerbates the the exhaustion of the first few months.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get everything done. You will find it is amazing what you can let slide for a few hours/ days.

Best of luck.