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Message: [QUOTE="manleyzoo, post: 1776688, member: 519"] We raised our son to be an independent person, to think about his choices and to deal with the consequences when he made a poor decision. We also wanted him to learn to pat himself on the back when he made a decision that worked out for him. Starting at age 15, as long as he didn't put his life or anyone else's in danger, he was allowed to make his own mistakes, short of committing a crime, but including crashing his car, staying out late, etc., spending out his allowance, refusing to take out the garbage, losing something, that kind of stuff. We didn't let him fall through the floor, of course, but he learned that his mistakes were his responsibility. We understood we were in danger for a few years but the idea was for him to be independent by the time he went off to college. He knew, starting at age 15, that if he wanted to go somewhere pricey, he'd have to make good grades, good test scores and get scholarships. We told him $20K a year was our ceiling of how much we'd contribute. By the first semester of his senior year in HS, had five schools lined up, all of which were recruiting him to play baseball, so he got money there, and all that would add academic scholarships. And, he got scholarships from his high school. At each of the candidates, all of which had $50K+ sticker prices, he had 85 percent of the price tag covered by scholarships in one form or another. He brought his options to us and we gave him input but the choice was his because it was him not us who was going to spend the next four years at the place of his choosing. In other words, if he wanted pricey he would have to make up the difference between what it cost and what we paid. If he couldn't do that, then he'd have to pick somewhere less expensive. IMHO, the process worked as it did because he was raised to be independent from the get go. His goal wasn't to please us but to learn to do what's best for him. In other words, to learn how to think for himself. As for TT, no one on this board seems to know him or his mother. But if she's doing the steering, IMHO she puts herself squarely in the way of his growing up to be an independent person and to learn to think on his own. Maybe JB would grow him up, maybe not. [/QUOTE]

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