Beamer would be dead before the opening bell was rung. Heart attack/goiteritis.
Cutcliffe would be next. Feeble. Never played college football. Struggles to breathe and stand upright under the best of conditions. Runs a 29.7 40. Not good.
Dave Clawson would be the third one eliminated. For no other reason than I don't like him.
Jimbo Fisher would use his lack of morals to stave off death for a few more seconds than Clawson but his midget body (5'6) would betray him shortly afterwards.
Petrino would be done in shortly afterwards due to his lack of good judgement and tiny size (5'8, 168 pounds).
Scott Shafer would last longer than most, leveraging his hard nosed approach to life to the max but his lack of size and bad knee would eventually betray him against the likes of Al Golden, Abdominal Fedora and Addazio the Rapid.
Epilogue:
I know Randy Edsall escaped to an easier conference but if he were still in the ACC, he would have been the first to go. He would die when Beamer breathed on him. That is what happens to men who dance like he does.