So, many of us are in a certain age group that these things are happening now with greater frequency. I, too, have been fighting cancer for close to 3 years now. Mine started out as something seemingly insignificant, had surgery, they thought they got it all, but (of course) they didn't. And it spread, and it took about 9 months to get rid of the original set of tumors, three or four in all, in close proximity.
I was clear for about a year, and then they started coming back in September around Labor Day. My original cancer metastasized, and I've had a dozen more malignant tumors since then. Ten have been removed, two to go. I've had doctors visits pretty much once or twice a week for the last 6 months. Pretty much a new tumor every couple weeks, for half a year. I've had chemo, but so far I still have my hair! LOL
So, I reached out to Steve privately, to say, "hey, I'm going through something right now, too" and tried to offer some encouragement and hope.
The way I phrased it, though, went over like a lead balloon. My message missed the mark (as you often see on this forum!).
I said to him, "I've decided to make cancer my friend." What I meant by this was this: I know it's going to be with me for a while. I'm going to need to pay attention to this, and try to live with it. I have to embrace it, rather than be angry, because we know that when our body is in a positive place, we heal more effectively. Stress and anger and bullshit hurt the healing process. It's kind of a Buddhist outlook.
But he was not in a place of acceptance at that time (you know, on the "Stages of Grief" scale), he was angry about his tumor, and that's part of the process. It's totally understandable.
He wrote me back, though, and while he wasn't willing to accept his tumor as his "friend" (so understandably!), he told me that his brother is also going through something similar to me. And he said he would pass along my perspective, in hopes it could be helpful.
So, I wish Steve all the best. We're not really personal friends, but we have been "intimate strangers" on this board for the last 30 years. Many of us are like that. CTO and the Fine Mess gang have grown this community so much in person over all these years. I am grateful to you all for your friendship and community over the years.
I'm doing fine, knock on wood. Hope to continue to do so for many years to come. If you sense I'm irrationally angry sometimes in my posts, I hope you give me some grace and forgiveness, and keep this is mind. Namaste!