Syracusefan Medical Issues | Syracusefan.com

Syracusefan Medical Issues

mark79

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Since the recent hiring of Fran Brown, it is being reported that Syracusefan.com board members have developed several severe medical issues due to abnormally long periods on their phones.

These issues include a deep pain in the back of both eyes, finger pain due to excessive scrolling, and markedly higher incidences of pretending to listen to their spouses as they seek to find new information about Syracuse football recruiting.

An additional side effect of the hiring of Fran Brown is that several other board forums have decided to close their doors due to lack of activity. These include Texas A&M, Georgia, Rutgers, Penn State, Pitt and other football fan forums who are determined to remain nameless. This does not include UConn as they never had a football team.

Remarkably, an entirely new phone sanitation industry has sprung up as Syracuse fans in huge numbers “do their business” with their phone in one hand, exposing their phone to extended sanitation concerns due to the length of time being spent in the loo.

Several sleep centers throughout the country are now reporting abnormally long lead times and are at full capacity (notably centering around the town of Syracuse and spreading rapidly towards Ohio and Florida). Patients are reporting significantly reduced sleep, many reporting a full 24 hours of posting without ever closing their eyes.

The sale of beer and bourbon has reportedly hit record levels, particularly around the Northeast due to Syracusefan.com board member frequent and extended celebrations as huge numbers of 4 and 5 star recruits announce that they will join Fran Brown at Syracuse. Actor Sam Elliott has been spotted on line at several ABC stores around the northeast.

The 247Sports and On3 websites have received record traffic and have crashed several times over the past three weeks and are considering the purchase of larger servers to handle all of the traffic.

Perhaps most significantly, a new Syracusecar.com app has been developed which reads and even likes, loves or stilletos posts while driving so that ardent Syracuse fans can keep track of and contribute toward Syracuse recruiting during their morning and evening commutes.

Please note that no Syracuse fans were actually hurt (much) during the production of this post. In lieu of flowers or donations, please consider liking this post. Those who wish to make a more significant donation may love this post.
 
Any truth of clinics opening to help those struggling from Franax withdrawal? Its been days, Man, and I need it bad.
I read that clinics along the east coast are stocking up on more cowbell. Because we always need more cowbell.
 
I read that clinics along the east coast are stocking up on more cowbell. Because we always need more cowbell.
You ain't getting no cowbell without a prescription.
 

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