If Pitt was a person...

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt was an NBA draft class, it would be 2000.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt were a questionable 4th down decision, it would be punting from the opponent's 32 yard line down two scores in the 4th quarter.

 

[kcsu]

Paul Feinbaum is Pitt

 

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt were a Dominos employee, they would be the person that sliced my buddy's pizza like this:

 

[Forza Azzurri]

he would have dirt under his fingernails and put his mouth directly on the water fountain when getting a drink.

This started in the game thread. Add on.

OttoinGrotto

He would be drunk, stoned, shrooming, stuffing his face and bullying the band.

 

[samspann1]

if Pitt was a cookie, they'd be Hydrox.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

if Pitt was a cookie, they'd be Hydrox.

You get it.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt was a person he/she/they would be the new roommate that seems cool at first, but gets completely wasted their first weekend in the apartment and pukes all over the bathroom. They do have the decency to clean up after themselves, but they don't have the decency to use their own towels, and instead use the new towel set your mom got you for Christmas, that you actually had been quite excited about, which you also felt weird about, because of what it says about the steps you're taking into adulthood, because, really, towels matter to you now? This is what your life is about?

Anyway, if Pitt was a person they would be the roommate that ruined your towels and pushed you into an existential crisis.

*This one courtesy of OiG's sister.

 

[grepal]

They would be the scrawny, woke kid whom you made his boyfriend hold your jacket while you stole his lunch money.

 

[orangefog]

If Pitt were a person, he would be in ICE.

 

[RandygoCuse]

You get it.

Fun fact - hydroxes preceded Oreos

 

[Trueblue25]

Pitt’s the cashier at Chipotle who’s outraged when you hit no for no tip while cashing out

 

[OttoinGrotto]

Fun fact - hydroxes preceded Oreos

Weirdly enough, I actually knew that, and it came up in conversation recently with some friends and it just blew their minds.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

Pitt’s the cashier at Chipotle who’s outraged when you hit no for no tip while cashing out

And they earned it because their portions were not satisfying.

It's not hard to give full scoops, Pitt.

 

[Eric15]

They would be the scrawny, woke kid whom you made his boyfriend hold your jacket while you stole his lunch money.

You steal people's lunch money? That's not very nice.

 

[grepal]

You steal people's lunch money? That's not very nice.

Where do nice guys finish?

 

[Eric15]

If Pitt were a brand of crayons, they'd be Rose Art.

More like Rose Fart* amirite.

 

[CuseFaninVT]

Where do nice guys finish?

Really shouldn’t leave yourself wide open like that.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

You steal people's lunch money? That's not very nice.

In this economy?

Doggy dog world, man.

 

[Capt. Tuttle]

If Pitt were a person she’d order the $38 filet mignon, take 2 bites and say she’s full from the appetizer.

$38 filet mignon? Where the hell did you find that? Primanti Brothers?

 

[Capt. Tuttle]

If Pitt were a person they'd be your overweight middle-aged neighbor who posts selfies of herself on social media with the filters turned to 11 so she looks alien/ghost-like but thinks she is fooling people that she looks 20.

That is VERY specific.

 

[Capt. Tuttle]

If Pitt was a person they would be the friend visiting you who left the toilet seat up in the middle of the night so when your wife goes to the bathroom she sits in the water.

D
Why do women have to go in the dark? Just turn the light on and check the seat.

 

[Eric15]

Pitt’s favorite Batman was George Clooney.

 

[Orangezoo]

Catturd … nuff said.

 

[Ragman2000]

That is VERY specific.

We all know these people. They're wearing Pitt pajama pants to Walmart.