A Rutgers fan goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look quite troubled. How can I help you today?"
Rutgers fan starts to tear up. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Doc. The universe no longer makes sense. Somehow, despite Rutger's prestigious history, we are suddenly losing recruits to Syracuse. SYRACUSE!!!"
The doctor nods sympathetically, stroking his chin in contemplation. "I see. How did these feelings that Syracuse was actually a threat to Rutgers begin?"
"So, they got a few new coaches, some from the New Jersey area, and all of a sudden they're like the shiny new toy. They think they're suddenly going to be relevant. It's still Syracuse. It's cold and snowy for six months out of the year. We're still Rutgers. Other than our close rivalry with Penn State, we are the beasts of the east and have been for at least 100 years."
"Mmm hmmm...," the doctor begins to understand the issue, but prods a little further. "IS there evidence of a shift in power? Didn't someone there talk about "belief without evidence" or some sort of malarkey like that?"
Shaking their head, the Rutgers fan lets out a sardonic laugh, "Yeah, that was their last coach. He had some nice wins and one dream season, but any momentum he might've developed disappeared like Country Buffet's profits when Chris Christie shows up for dinner. As far as evidence, well, they haven't won a game with the new staff. It looks like they got a few malcontents to transfer in from other schools, and lured some starry eyed high school kids with money, fancy cars and some type of Asian-food-thing...and acting like they care about the kids and not
just winning. I mean, c'mon, we have Schiano, Springsteen, Atlantic City, Tomato Pies and Rippers, and Snooki, JWoww, The Situation...and of course that great tradition that is Rutgers football. That sells itself! We only take winners and elite athletes. Anyone else: Thanks, but no thanks. You're just not a take for us."
Leaning back, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, the doctor suggests, "Look, I think you're not seeing things clearly and for what they are. You're flooded with emotions and conflicted. I would encourage you to stay off the internet, especially anything regarding football, recruiting, the transfer portal, etc. Find a new activity to occupy your time and thoughts, like those adult coloring books! Try to stay in the lines, that's the key. If you do this, I think in the Fall you'll begin to see the light, and you'll realize I was right."
"Okay, Doc. I guess I just get worked up too easily. My friends feel the same, but maybe we shouldn't be reinforcing our beliefs with each other. Y'know? I am going to take your advice and go get some coloring books, and that big Crayola Crayon Box with the built in sharpener. I'll get some snacks, too, and some Hawaiian Punch or maybe Capris Sun. I still love those things, man. Thank you for your time, Doc. I feel better already. Have a good day."
The doctor hands him his check-out paper, and says "Take this to the front desk and make a follow up appointment for next fall, maybe October or November. I think we should touch base then and see how you're coping with everything at that time."
As the patient leaves the room, he turns to the chart and with a slow shake of his head realizes there may be a developing epidemic in northern New Jersey. "I may need to call the Department of Health about this before it gets out of hand," he mutters to himself as he writes down the patients diagnosis.
He thinks to himself, "This isn't the first, and certainly won't be the last. It's going to be a long year. And likely, a lot longer than that. Speaking of which, I better renew my season tickets...there's no place like fall in Central New York, and it's always good to go home!"