A Buffalo Bills Christmas
" A night before game day"
Told by Tom Brady
‘Twas the night before game day, when all through Gillette
Not a camera was filming, at least they weren’t yet
The game balls were placed in the locker with care
Just how I like them, without too much air
The receivers were nestled all snug in their cots
While visions of Tre White haunted their thoughts
And Bob in his towel, and I in my Uggs
Had just settled in for a nice rub n tug
When down on the field there arose such a clatter
I opened my sensory deprivation therapy chamber to see what was the matter
When what to my cold, dead eyes should appear
But 53 monsters that filled me with fear
When I saw them I gasped and my body got chills
I knew in a moment it must be the Bills
Like stampeding hooves, the coach’s claps they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Beasley! Now, Brown! Now, Devin and Dawson!
On, Poyer! On, Hyde! On, Phillips and Lawson!
To the top of the East! We won’t stop til it’s done!
Let’s murder that weirdo who frenches his son”
All over the field the defensive backs flew
And they picked off each terrible pass that I threw
As I faked a handoff and was turning around
Up through the gut Oliver came with a bound
He was dressed in all white, from his helmet to cleats
And he yelled when he saw me, “You’re dead ing meat!”
He flung me with ease, right onto my back
It was not even halftime and he had his 3rd sack
Then back to the huddle he went with a jog
A bruise on my thigh, from his monster hog
And I heard him exclaim like a voice from on high
“The process befalls you! Get ready to die!”
Reddit post from pendantpickle