Why West Virginia Will Play For A Tie | Syracusefan.com

Why West Virginia Will Play For A Tie

Shenexon

All American
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Aug 18, 2011
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These are always fun:

_________________________________________________________________

West Virginia Residency Application

_________________________________________________________________

APPLICATION TO LIVE IN THE STATE OF WEST VIRGINIA
-------------------------------------------------

1. Your name is (Check one):

( ) Billy ( ) Calvin ( ) Eli ( ) Harvey
( ) Homer ( ) Jimmie ( ) Junior ( ) Leonard
( ) Leroy ( ) Luther ( ) Oscar ( ) Mordechai

a. Nichname:___________________ b. CB Handle:_______________________

2. Address (RFD#):________________________________________________________

3. Daddy (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects):_________________________

4. Mama:______________________ 5. Number of brothers/sisters_____________

6. Are you married to: ( ) Sister ( ) Cousin ( ) Sow ( ) Other Relative
Do you know her name?__________________________________________
Does your wife weigh more than your truck? ( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Likely

7. Number of weeks employed:_________ On welfare:________ in the last year.

8. Your neck shade (check one): ( ) Light red ( ) Medium red ( ) Dark red

9. Number of dependents: (Legal)___________ (Claimed) _____________________

10. Length of Right Leg:_______ inches. Lenght of Left Leg:________ inches.

11. Type of pick-up owned:_________________________________________________

a. Year:____________ b. Height of Truck__________________________

c. Is any portion of your truck painted primer red (The official state
color)?_________ What part(s)?________________________________

d. Average number of beer cans on floorboards of pick-up
truck:_________________________________________________________

e. Truck equipped with (check all that apply):

( ) Gun rack ( ) 4-wheel drive ( ) Eight Track ( ) Load of wood
( ) Big dog ( ) Fuzz buster ( ) Mag wheels ( ) Dual CB Antenna
( ) Camper Top ( ) Spitoon ( ) Mud flaps ( ) Spit Staines
( ) Bumper hitch ( ) Spit stains ( ) Air horns ( ) Hijacker shocks
( ) Raccoon Hide ( ) Deer Antlers ( ) Confederate flag

f. Bumper stickers on truck (regardless of location):

( ) Eat More Possum ( ) Redman Chewing Tobacco
( ) Honk if your love Jesus ( ) Honk if your Horny
( ) Elvis is Alive ( ) My Other car is a piece of s---, too
( ) BOCEPHUS ( ) Get off my Ass
( ) Other:____________________________________________________________

12. Weapons owned:

( ) Deer Rifle ( ) Scatter Gun ( ) Log Chain ( ) Sawed-off shotgun
( ) Balin' Hook ( ) Varmit Rifle ( ) Axe Handle ( ) Tire Iron

a. Which are normally carried on your person?__________________________
b. In your truck?______________________________________________________

13. Favorite Recreation:

( ) Drankin' ( ) Possum Huntin' ( ) Bull Chip Throwin'
( ) Craw Daddin' ( ) Four Wheelin' ( ) Gospel Sangin'
( ) Skinny Dippin' ( ) Fightin' ( ) Fishin'
( ) Puckin' ( ) Spittin' Backy ( ) Square dancin'

14. Emblem on your favorite cap:

( ) CAT ( ) NAPA ( ) Budweiser ( ) McCullough
( ) Coors ( ) John Deer ( ) P. B. R. ( ) Skoal

15. Define the following (must be 90% correct):

a. brogans - ____________________________________________
b. chitlins - ____________________________________________
c. cobbler - ____________________________________________
d. fatback - ____________________________________________
e. goobers - ____________________________________________
f. collards - ____________________________________________
g. grits - ____________________________________________
h. muscadina - ____________________________________________
i. pig skins - ____________________________________________
j. pinto beans - ____________________________________________
k. poke - ____________________________________________
l. redeye gravy - ____________________________________________
n. s--- on a shingle - ____________________________________________
o. sidemeat - ____________________________________________
p. soppin' syrup - ____________________________________________
q. spam - ____________________________________________
r. taters - ____________________________________________
s. tote - ____________________________________________
t. turnip salad - ____________________________________________


16. Favorite Sanger:

( ) Donna Fargo ( ) Conway Twitty ( ) Jonny Cash
( ) Elvis (mandatory) ( ) Hank Junior ( ) Loretta Lynn
( ) Porter waggoner ( ) Willie Nelson ( ) George jones
( ) Slim Whitman ( ) Tammy Wynette ( ) Boxcar Willie


17. Club Memberships:

( ) K.K.K. ( ) N.R.A. ( ) 700 Club
( ) P.T.L. ( ) Four H ( ) B.A.S.S.
( ) Sons of the confederacy (mandatory)

18. Number of dogs owned (Do not include kinfolk):______________________
Type: ( ) Blue Tick ( ) Beagle ( ) Redbone ( ) Black 'n' Tan ( ) Mutt

19. Number of cars on block in front yard:_________________________________

20. How many kitchen appliances do you keep on your front porch?____________
How many of them work?_____________________

21. Do you wear: ( ) snagged polyeter pants ( ) denim britches ( ) shorts

22. Do you own any shoes? ( ) Yes ( ) No If so, hom many?_____________
Year you last bought shoes:__________________________

23. Highest grade completed in school: _______________ If higher than 8th
grade, reason why:___________________________________________________

24. Can you sign your name and spell it correctly every time?

( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Maybe

25. Do you know any words that have more than four letters?

( ) Yes ( ) No

If so list them here:___________________________

26. Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? ( ) Yes ( ) No
( ) What's a bath

27. Can you count past ten with your shoes on? ( ) Yes ( ) No
( ) never tried
...past twenty with your fly up? ( ) Yes ( ) No
( ) never tried

28. What do you prefer to drink?

( ) Iced tea ( ) Budweiser ( ) Everclear
( ) Mad Dog 20/20 ( ) Jack daniels ( ) Boones's farm
( ) Jim Beam ( ) Rotgut Moonshine ( ) Coors

29. Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? ( ) Yes ( ) No
If so, why?_____________________________________________________

30. Medical Information:

a. Do you have any of the following? (check all that apply):

( ) trench mouth ( ) bad breath ( ) crotch crickets
( ) body odor ( ) runny nose ( ) head lice
( ) missing front teeth ( ) obvious warts ( ) crabs

b. Do you show any of the following classic signs of inbreeding?
Check all that apply (Minimum three required):

( ) Closely-set eyes ( ) Misaligned ears ( ) Hairs Shoulders
( ) Vacant Stare ( ) Low Forehead ( ) Slight Limp
( ) Slack Jaw ( ) Speech Impediment ( ) IQ of a Carrot



I certify that the above information is true and correct to the best of my
knowledge.

Signature ("X" must be witnessed): _____________________________________

Witness (if "X" is used): _____________________________________

Today's Date (if known): _____________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

pjf@cts.com
 

Capt. Tuttle

Living Legend
Joined
Aug 22, 2011
Messages
22,338
Like
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A West Virginia groom comes to his parents' home on the night of honeymoon. Peplexed, his father asked him why he was not with his bride.
The groom exclaimed, "Daddy, when we got to the motel room, she told me she was a virgin."
Further perplexed, the father asked why that news caused his son to leave his new bride behind.
The groom stated, "Daddy, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
 
Last edited:

cuse62

2nd String
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
886
Like
2,025
2 WV alums sitting on back porch watching the bug zapper.
First one says “What’s closer Chicago or the moon?”
Second one says “That’s easy, the moon.”
First one says “You sure.”
Second one says “Yes, I can see the moon.”
 

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