3. Daddy (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects):_________________________
4. Mama:______________________ 5. Number of brothers/sisters_____________
6. Are you married to: ( ) Sister ( ) Cousin ( ) Sow ( ) Other Relative
Do you know her name?__________________________________________
Does your wife weigh more than your truck? ( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Likely
7. Number of weeks employed:_________ On welfare:________ in the last year.
8. Your neck shade (check one): ( ) Light red ( ) Medium red ( ) Dark red
9. Number of dependents: (Legal)___________ (Claimed) _____________________
10. Length of Right Leg:_______ inches. Lenght of Left Leg:________ inches.
11. Type of pick-up owned:_________________________________________________
a. Year:____________ b. Height of Truck__________________________
c. Is any portion of your truck painted primer red (The official state
color)?_________ What part(s)?________________________________
d. Average number of beer cans on floorboards of pick-up
f. Bumper stickers on truck (regardless of location):
( ) Eat More Possum ( ) Redman Chewing Tobacco
( ) Honk if your love Jesus ( ) Honk if your Horny
( ) Elvis is Alive ( ) My Other car is a piece of s---, too
( ) BOCEPHUS ( ) Get off my Ass
( ) Other:____________________________________________________________
( ) CAT ( ) NAPA ( ) Budweiser ( ) McCullough
( ) Coors ( ) John Deer ( ) P. B. R. ( ) Skoal
15. Define the following (must be 90% correct):
a. brogans - ____________________________________________
b. chitlins - ____________________________________________
c. cobbler - ____________________________________________
d. fatback - ____________________________________________
e. goobers - ____________________________________________
f. collards - ____________________________________________
g. grits - ____________________________________________
h. muscadina - ____________________________________________
i. pig skins - ____________________________________________
j. pinto beans - ____________________________________________
k. poke - ____________________________________________
l. redeye gravy - ____________________________________________
n. s--- on a shingle - ____________________________________________
o. sidemeat - ____________________________________________
p. soppin' syrup - ____________________________________________
q. spam - ____________________________________________
r. taters - ____________________________________________
s. tote - ____________________________________________
t. turnip salad - ____________________________________________
16. Favorite Sanger:
( ) Donna Fargo ( ) Conway Twitty ( ) Jonny Cash
( ) Elvis (mandatory) ( ) Hank Junior ( ) Loretta Lynn
( ) Porter waggoner ( ) Willie Nelson ( ) George jones
( ) Slim Whitman ( ) Tammy Wynette ( ) Boxcar Willie
17. Club Memberships:
( ) K.K.K. ( ) N.R.A. ( ) 700 Club
( ) P.T.L. ( ) Four H ( ) B.A.S.S.
( ) Sons of the confederacy (mandatory)
18. Number of dogs owned (Do not include kinfolk):______________________
Type: ( ) Blue Tick ( ) Beagle ( ) Redbone ( ) Black 'n' Tan ( ) Mutt
19. Number of cars on block in front yard:_________________________________
20. How many kitchen appliances do you keep on your front porch?____________
How many of them work?_____________________
21. Do you wear: ( ) snagged polyeter pants ( ) denim britches ( ) shorts
22. Do you own any shoes? ( ) Yes ( ) No If so, hom many?_____________
Year you last bought shoes:__________________________
23. Highest grade completed in school: _______________ If higher than 8th
grade, reason why:___________________________________________________
24. Can you sign your name and spell it correctly every time?
( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Maybe
25. Do you know any words that have more than four letters?
( ) Yes ( ) No
If so list them here:___________________________
26. Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? ( ) Yes ( ) No
( ) What's a bath
27. Can you count past ten with your shoes on? ( ) Yes ( ) No
( ) never tried
...past twenty with your fly up? ( ) Yes ( ) No
( ) never tried
A West Virginia groom comes to his parents' home on the night of honeymoon. Peplexed, his father asked him why he was not with his bride.
The groom exclaimed, "Daddy, when we got to the motel room, she told me she was a virgin."
Further perplexed, the father asked why that news caused his son to leave his new bride behind.
The groom stated, "Daddy, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
2 WV alums sitting on back porch watching the bug zapper.
First one says “What’s closer Chicago or the moon?”
Second one says “That’s easy, the moon.”
First one says “You sure.”
Second one says “Yes, I can see the moon.”