If Pitt was a person...

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt was a person they would put mayo on foods that shouldn't have mayo.

 

[Eric15]

Pitt went trick-or-treating at 23 years old.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt was a person they wouldn't realize that Homelander isn't the good guy on The Boys.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt was a person they'd see the latest Marvel movie on opening night and then talk loudly about it on the phone while they're in line at the store.

 

[br801]

If Pitt was a person, he'd hold off on getting his girlfriend's little daughter a $50 wading pool until he could get her parents to pay for it.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

Pitt definitely lost a ton on crypto.

 

[Eric15]

Pitt thinks the "Boom Goes The Dynamite" guy did a flawless job, and wasn't being funny or ironic while saying that.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

I mean, to Pitt's credit, they threw a party and paid for all the pizza, but they absolutely choked when ordering the pizza and talked themselves into ordering two (2) large red pepper and black olive pizzas that nobody even thought about touching.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

Pitt got drunk on O'Douls at the field party.

They swear it.

 

[orange79]

If Pitt was a person, he'd look like this:

 

[OttoinGrotto]

Pitt knew her best guy friend really liked her, and she's not handling it well that he got tired living in her friend zone and started hooking up with one of the other girls in their friend circle.

 

[Eric15]

If Pitt was a person, he'd look like this:

Wannstedt really is the most Pittsburgie person that's ever lived.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

If Pitt were a person, they wouldn't practice safe food handling and would cross contaminate their kitchen.

 

[OttoinGrotto]

I'd Pitt were a person, look, they're not saying anything, they're just asking questions.

 

[Trueblue25]

If Pitt was a person he’d brag about going three years without getting Covid because he exercised, took vitamins, and never got the vaccine. Also he argues with anyone on Twitter who makes fun of Joe Rogan.

If you disagree with him he demands via twitter that you meet up with him at Aspen Gym to hash it out

 

[OttoinGrotto]

Pitt thinks Elon is doing a great job cleaning up Twitter.

 

[EnviroSciGuy]

Pitt is the guy in your neighborhood that claims he can grow palm trees and then builds structures around them in winter heated by Christmas lights. Following the annual unboxing, property values plummet in the presence of the disfigured monstrosities.

 

[OrangeDW]

If Pitt was a person, he'd hold off on getting his girlfriend's little daughter a $50 wading pool until he could get her parents to pay for it.

While spending $20-$40 on beer every day of the week.

 

[tee1222]

The sender in every free Yeti Cooler email ends in pitt.edu

 

[OrangeDW]

Pitt thinks Elon is doing a great job cleaning up Twitter.

while not even knowing who Elon is until a year or two ago.

 

[br801]

If Pitt were a person, he'd wax fondly about having an intimate relationship with his barber that transcended accepted societal norms.

 

[tee1222]

Pitt's going to have to sort of go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday.

 

[grepal]

Pitt is the very overweight woman who never shaves but wears a thong bikini at the beach.

 

[OrangeDW]

If Pitt were a person, he'd wax fondly about having an intimate relationship with his barber that transcended accepted societal norms.

Oh, wow I forgot about his barber posts. Lmao!

 

[W'boro'Cuse315]

Pitt purchases scratch-offs at the gas station with a long line behind them & then proceeds to scratch them at the counter.