Some of you guys sicken me. You namby pampy scardy cats saying "oh I don't want to leave my house! No way can we have hundreds of football players breathing on each other and whatnot." Well, I have a statistic for you. I mean I can't exactly quote the source but I read it somewhere.
Now this didn't come from your fake news mainstream media. This came from a reliable source; some blogger who lives in backwoods Louisiana. I can tell you several things with more or less relative confidence: 1) I really read this and it was not a coronavirus stress dream, although Old Uncle Dick has sure had his share of those, know what I mean? 2) the blogger may have been sober, and 3) he was likely a human and not one of those human/reptile mutant inbreds. I mean, we have all thought about what goes on in the bayous when those old boys go out at night with the gators, am I right?
Anyhoo, what he wrote really turned my head around. He said that 16,000 18 year olds are eaten by tigers every year. Wow, I almost choked on my glass of Jamisons when I read that! Now think about it; 16000 is only what percentage of residents of Onondaga County? Well, I'd calculate it but it would involve math so lets all agree that I actually know what I'm talking about, OK?
So 16000 tiger murders every year but does that stop us from letting our kids own tigers? Not where I come from, Jack. You live in my house, you have a pet tiger. I'm not talking about one of those Tony the Tiger-Battlecreek, Michigan tigers either. We're talking a fullblown tiger like the one that mauled Roy. Or Sigfried. I always got those guys mixed up.
If we all agree that we let kids own tigers in spite of a few thousand unlucky ones getting eaten, then we can all agree that football needs to go on. If we're not afraid of tigers then how can we be afraid of a coronavirus. I mean, have you ever actually seen one? I'm not talking about you guys with electron microscopes in your dining room, I'm talking about your average sports board poster.
So let's all be men about this, except the female posters of course, and grow a pair. We can even get Shirt World to make up some tee shirts for the football team saying "I'm risking my life for an extra-curricular activity (but at least I didn't get eaten by my pet tiger)" It is time to get back to normal and I can't think of anything better to give us perspective than those tiger stats.